Yesterday afternoon as I lightly dozed in my only soft chair I dreamt of my mother. It was our first visit since her death more than 20 years ago. Her words became less comprehensible as I was drawn into the mesmerizing sound of her beautiful voice. I remember her concluding with our need to go out and get some money.
Why the one dream and why now? Later that night I was startled awake,”Time is running fast and I want my part of the story written now before it’s too late.” It may have been a visionary warning, but I must admit that a little slippage each week set me me up for such thoughts.
So I began the interview with my head cradled on the lap-like plllow so as to better channel the responses.
ME: Why did you send me, aged 6, and Tom, aged 3, off to boarding school?
MOM: That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I cried all night after returning home. The answer is complicated. Your dad went to prison and I had to move in with the family on Union Street in Brooklyn. It was during the war, and I had to work full time.
ME: You mean that you couldn’t stay home to care for us?
MOM: It was a small apartment with 5 adults. I farmed Tom out to other caretakers so he could get full attention. You started school already. The boarding school was the one place where you could be together.
ME: But why then?
MOM: Well, I went to the local parish priest and he was able to connect us with a boarding school at a discount. Your dad promised to help upon his release.`Once you both were away, you were isolated from the polio pandemic that was in full swing.
ME: Why did Dad go to prison?
MOM: He needed loans to keep his tile business from going under during the war when construction was depressed. So he forged the co-signatures required to get the loans, which he always paid back. When it was discovered, they reported it to the police.
ME: I seem to remember that time.
MOM: We were all living in Kew Gardens at that time. The scariest moment was when your father called me from the court house and instructed me to find a gun hidden in the closet, take it, and dispose of it.
ME: Whom do you miss the most ?
MOM: I miss none of you. But I am drawn to who needs me most.
ME: You once told Tom that.
MOM: Yes, he had the nerve to ask me why I loved you more. I told him that you needed more attention.
ME: Tell me about you and dad. Why did you marry someone more than 20 years older than you?
MOM: I was only 18. Your dad was divorced and lived in a house a few doors down from us. He was a charmer and always smiled pleasantly when I walked by. There was a time when Grandma was too controlling and I was suffocating. He offered fresh air. So we eloped and I left a note for Grandma saying that I took a job in Chicago caring for a doctor’s kids.
ME: So why did you and dad divorce?
MOM: The first few years were constant fun. But after you kids were born, he started having more fun on his own. I dropped by his office and caught him kissing his secretary. That was the end.
ME: Then you married two more times.
MOM: My second husband was Joe Casta a veteran and a night shift cab dtiver. I was planning to return to Andrew Sr. when he died of a heart attack. Then I married an old family friend, Phil Fallotico. He was a mechanical engineer, also divorced.
ME: I’m puzzled. How come you never took us home to live?
MOM: You guys were doing so well in school and frankly I couldn’t afford to not work.
ME: Were you happy?
MOM: Seeing my two sons grow up to have successful careers and to have their children - this was enough for me. But there was a moment when Grandma was approached by a movie director who wanted me for his films. We were all dressed up and waiting for him to takes us to the New Jersey studio when we learned that he was killed in a car crash.
ME: So eventually Shirley Temple took your spot.
MOM: I lived the life that was meant for me. My only regret is that when you guys got older, the family was less tight.But I fulfilled my main purpose. That was the promise I made to your dad on his death bed that I would make sure the boys went to college.
ME: Are you aware of our lives?
MOM: Sure I am. Totally shocked that you are in Russia and I regret that I cannot reach out a hug Olga for all she’s does for you. Tom is as steady as ever, and we all look forward to Angelica’s next step into college. Your kids, Terry and Dave, seem to be in good places. I see traces of you in Dave. Tell Tom that I see the happy and busy life Liz is living in Florida, None of you need me anymore.
ME: It’s not a matter of needing you mom; it’s wanting you. hope you can make your visits in my dreams a regular event…without scaring me. Bye. Hugs and kisses.We all still love you.
MOM: I can feel it.
I meant to ask her about the time after her death when I felt someone at the side of our bed, pulling my blankets over my shoulder. The next morning my slippers were out of position. My then wife said she had slept through the night.
I just know “It Had to Be You.”
At St. John’s Villa Academy, Staten Island
At my brother’s wedding
Not a dream , but a vision ! I dream every night . Sometimes,depending on how many times I have to get up to pee,several times ! But I rarely remember with such clarity or detail what I dream about.And sometimes it is only that " I HAD A DREAM" . It appears,Andy,that not only have you had an interesting adult life but the same goes for you child and adolescent life as well. By the way,as somewhat an "Insider" I would have observed a happy and fulfilling time at school for you and Tom ,whom I remember as always with a smile and a temperate attitude ! So I read your dream as your mom having a sad and difficult life but she did not pass that along to you both !
That was a very sad story and something as part of the family that Glen and I were not aware of. Wish you nothing but happiness and peace. Read your stories all the time. God Bless