Quirky cards redux

This idea normally would be confined to a single column, but it’s about to break out into a multi-million dollar copyrighted business. Join the fun; devalue your portfolio.

We at QuirkyCards have decided to go all-in and rename ourselves KwirkyKards. This is our homage to the letter “K” which we feel is the most abused and underused letter in the English language. We object to the fact that the sound for “Kw” is substituted for by the unpronounceable “Qu.” Our proposed changes:

Kwik for Quick

Kwest for Quest

Kwestion for Question

Kwabec for Quebec

Kwart for Quart

Kwell for Quell

Kwazar for Quasar

Dabuke for Dubuque

Not permitted: Duque for Duke, Puque for Puke, Luque for Luke. As for KKK, think Kook.

Now it’s up to you to have fun with the idea. We at KwirkyKards have better things to do - such as design a logo (free submissions accepted).

Now for those who subscribed, here’s your August collection of card sayings for your unlimited use:

DON’T THINK ABOUT ME / Join the crowd.

AFTER YOU’VE COLLECTED YOUR THOUGHTS / How many pennies will you get?

STOP USING SUGAR SUBSTITUTES / It leads to artificial diabetes.

IF YOU TAKE A CHANCE ON ME / Only one of us can be disappointed.

A SCAMMER STOLE MY IDENTITY / Now I really don’t know who I am.

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU MY ENTIRE LIFE / Hurry before time runs out.

THE FIRST TIME WE MEET… / … will be the last.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SHOWERED? / Don’t ask why I’m asking.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH? / Or do you believe in the exact opposite?

DON’T LOOK INSIDE THIS CARD IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE / BANG! BANG!

NAME THE FIRST WHITE CHRISTIAN NATIONALIST / HINT: First name, Adolph.

YOU JUST MISSED YOUR OPPORTUNITY… / …to trash the card before reading.

WHEN PEOPLE CARE TO SEND THE VERY BEST… / …it won’t be a KwirkyKard.

THE REASON THIS CARD ISN’T VERY FUNNY / To prevent saving and sharing.

IF YOU THINK READING THIS CARD IS BORING… / …you should try writing them.

IT’S NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS / It’s the price of the card

THIS CARD HAS BEEN SANCTIONED / Now you’re on the list.

I FORGOT TO PAY FOR THIS CARD / Now it’s your problem.

THEY SAY YOU’RE MY TYPE / Bodoni Bold Italic? Really?

HE WHO HESITATES… / …lives to love another day.

LET’S BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER / Whomever we are…or is it Who?

YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES IN LIFE / Me. Someone better. Someone worse.

IF YOU DON’T HAVE AN AVATAR / Try being yourself.

IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? / Join Pink Floyd’s search party.

AND NOW FOR THE CHALLENGE OF THE MONTH. WRITE THE INSIDE LINE FOR THIS CARD AND WIN NOTHING SPECIAL:

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? /