Life hacks for men
Fighting the testosterone in order to become better human beings
DONT FORGET TO CLICK THE LINK AT THE END FOR AN ESTROGENIC RESPONSE
Remember that girl in high school or college with whom you shared a strong emotional attraction but couldn’t act - well that’s the one ycu should have married because innocence make the later discoveries that much sweeter as you grow and develop together.
Never cheat on your wife, your girlfriend, your income tax, or the cashier because without integrity or honesty you’re like almost every other jerk in a world where uniqueness counts.
Never go to your beloved’s apartment on days she is doing chores, or cleaning, or moving furniture or painting lest she get the impression that you are willing or able to do those things, while reminding her at every opportunity that you use a cleaning service when your mom is not available.
YOU are not the issue; it’s the laundry. If after marriage you are asked to share the onerous task of doing the laundry, on your days take the wash out to a laundromat where they will expertly clean the clothes and return them neatly folded and ready for storage.
Some women are only attracted to a man’s wealth or high income, so always own a 10-year-old passenger van reserved for dating, eat all date meals at chain restaurants, and raid your old closet at yours folk’s house for odd clothing.
Your values are how you live and not what you say, best observed by how a person treats one’s parents, service personnel, young people, old people, disabled people, other races, etc.
No need to be religious or mock religions, but honor the message of the New Testament, which is all about Truth, Love and Justice.
Never call yourself a patriot because, like being a hero, it requires the judgement of others.
Keep an unemployment fund of 6 months pay at the ready in case you have to tell your dishonest or inhumane boss to go f**k himself.
Be aware of your own ignorance and shortcomings and don’t insult our intelligence by denigrating those who’ve made the effort to be credentialed while lionizing opinionators with loud megaphones.
If your favorite team is a perennial winner, also find a losing team that you can enjoy and sympathetically support in order to maintain balance in your life.
Always keep a football, tennis racket, Russian novel and chess set hidden away in a closet because you never know which side of yourself you’ll have to show and to whom.
Never turn down an invite to meet your new girlfriend’s parents because in them you’ll see the seeds of what she’ll be like later, for good and for bad.
Make sure there is a comfortable queen size sofa bed in the living room for when you are banished to the couch at night; you can stay comfortable until she feels compelled to join you or gets tired of restoring the bed every morning.
If ever your wife mentions divorce “unless,” consider that she probably has already met or fantasized the other guy and you can start rehearsing your “it’s me, not you” speech.
When your wife complains about carrying the twin burdens of parenting and house managing, don’t lay on her the “bread winner” bullshit; just pitch in enthusiastically.
If you like to cook and your wife won’t cede the kitchen to you, build an outdoor kitchen around the backyard barbecue and create your own domain.
Rather than react like a “technology monster” when you see your wife rinse the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, add the job to your already short list of chores.
Its far more important that your wife have a night out with the girls than you with the guys with whom you are out all day.
Every hour of leisure you reserve for yourself playing golf or such is an hour that your wife can claim for herself equivalently.
Render unto your wife that which is rightfully hers, and split the rest equally between God and Caesar.
Remember the strategic value of flowers, candlelight and wine.
If every time you request something and your wife asks “why,” sometimes respond with a non-sequitur that will keep her thinking while doing.
If you feel you aren’t getting much family respect at home, don’t argue about it, retreat to a safe space inhabited by respectful people.
If you’re asking for something, never tack on the “please” at the end because it is heard as an afterthought and insincere.
Be honest with yourself, when Tulsi Gabbard or Gov. Kristi Noem or Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are making statements on TV, does your partisanship disappear into a visual vortex?
If ever your stash of Playboy Magazines is discovered, make sure all the page markers are on the articles so they will think you are a closet intellectual.
When life hands you nothing but lemons, don’t make lemonade; make limoncello and go for the buzz.
This compilation must end now because Olga needs my volunteered opinion on something she is doing. NOT!
FAIR & EQUAL: Here’s what one woman has to say in her forthcoming book. Guys, take cover: